So today the Stoma Nurse, Christine came to see me to tell me everything i need to know about my Stoma and marked me with an ‘x’ under a water proof covering on the right side of my stomach for the surgeons to place it there when i go into theatre either Wednesday or Thursday. The surgeon came to see me earlier this morning around 8am and i had only had 4 hours sleep, however i kept focused and he answered pretty much every question i was thinking of. My stoma will be permanent and will stay with me for life, i have been put on antibiotics as they suspect i have Sepsis (septicemia) in the large bowel which would explain why i have been feeling so unwell. These past two days i have had the worst migraine in a long time and is making me feel so much worse than i am. The doctors and nurses have said today that the surgery will make me feel so much better, whilst i will be sore and ill but in a totally different way. Tonight i just feel terrible and my temperature is higher than normal, i feel cold and hot at the same time and not even sure how that is possible! But now is the time to start preparing myself for surgery and getting my life back, its a long road ahead but i have suffered with this for much longer so i am hopeful i can manage it! I really want to start creating some stoma bag covers when i get better too so that along with getting better to be by my boyfriend and friends and families sides is two great goals i have set myself to work towards in getting better (if that makes sense?!) This is more than likely my last night on ward 104 at ARI and i will be sad to leave this ward because i have got to know such lovely people who i would also consider as another mother or a good friend. They aren’t just nurses and doctors here, because i have been here so much this feels like my second home and my second family (who in their right minds says that about hospital right..!?) i will then wake up to be in the ITU ward then move along to 502 surgical ward after a few days. I am not going to lie i am really nervous about this as it is HUGE change for the rest of my life, but i am also really excited.. one reason why is because the thought of never having to spend hours on the toilet in agony with the hot sweats is like heaven to me. Some people want material things, or a new car or a new home and i know we can all agree we’d love to wish someone back to be with us for one more day.. my main wish and want in life is to be able to live the life i was meant to have, to have a purpose. Most days i wish i could ask for a new body and some days i wish i wasnt here so the pain wouldn’t be with me but then i think to myself, i do have a purpose and i will get my life back one day because i have faught this for so long that my purpose in life was to be a warrior and to help others who too like me wish to have their lives back, but not only for me. I want my family, friends and boyfriend to have their lives back too.. and to enjoy that experience together. After all life is what you make it, right? 🙂 I know i will still have down days and happy days like every other human being and it is only natural. I have great support and this is the first time in my life i truly feel properly in love with someone who gets me, who is accepted by both friends and family the connection between us all is great! As bad as things are, i couldn’t wish for more better people in my life and i am very lucky to have the things that i have (although i still want more and more minions things i am minions CRAZY!) but that’s just me, we all have things we enjoy in life or a weird fantasy or obsession and i think thats what makes us an individual. I still can’t really say how i am feeling i don’t really know that myself to be honest with you all. All i know is im tired of being tired and sore and sick and weak, i have set myself goals and now what i need to do is stay positive and try not to worry too much which is easier said than done. I know i can get through surgery and i only want one anesthetist to put me to sleep and he is great his name is John Irvin or Irwin, he is by far honestly someone i would recommend to anyone in ARI! It’s now time to have some phonecalls with my boyfriend (Freddy) and family, take medication and get ready for bed. I hope i can sleep tonight! I can’t wait to see Freddys mum tomorrow and my mum wednesday or thursday! If anyone would like to give me some advice please feel free, i will not say no!