I’m Jason, 25 years of age and this is my story. To begin, my mental health took a turn for the worst when my care free childhood changed when i began high-school. I was bullied for the way i looked, because i wore glasses and the icing on the ‘cake’ was due to being over weight (i probably ate the icing on the ‘cake’ too.) This made me a target for the bullying for those aspects, by other kids at school who were older than me, as most students my age were too young to pay attention or to stand up to the older students. I lived a very sheltered life and i made some great friends who today are still part of my life. Over the coming years from leaving high school, my parents split up after a 26 year relationship and i had a really close relationship with my dad. To wake up each day with him not being there was soul destroying for me, as all my life previously i had woken up to him being there every day and pushing me to do well. He taught me to do boxing, martial arts, kick boxing, judo and aikido which are all different types of sports. These sports along with my dad’s support made me feel like i was a powerful such a powerful human being and brought me back to the mental capacity that i needed to be at, whilst preparing to take my GCSE’s which i did disastrously bad at. Despite this, i got into college and completed a painting and decorating course over 2 years just like my dad had done.
Instantly after my dad left, my mum met another guy who in my opinion was a waste of space ,i was then left free reign of the house which then lead to me to skip a week of college as she had dropped the bomb that she was moving in with her new man and couldn’t afford to keep the house at the same time as staying with him. I then moved into my brother and his girlfriends place which was great and i enjoyed it until we were stepping on each others toes as we were on two separate sides of the scales subsequently , the arguments and fights started. We moved from house to house over time as the relationship did’t work out and that’s what drove him into a downwards spiral for a number of years which got worse and worse, it was crushing seeing your big brother become a monster.I was quite discontented with life during the years to follow and lived on my own and have done ever since. Living on my own and my all that i endured has lead to mental and physical health becoming deteriorated, after impaction of my large intestines within 2 months after landing myself a job i thoroughly enjoyed doing and could have had me set for life. I am still undergoing tests to confirm the exact cause to my discomfort and debilitating pain, and recently had a colonoscopy where biopsies were taken and waiting on the results. At the moment i barely leave the house and i stick to staying at home and keeping fit, working out as much as possible,gaming and holding onto the last part of my sanity from being trapped in these four walls day in, day out. I am focusing on getting to the route of my problems, awaiting the tests and trying to find a way to ‘fix’ myself and not let whatever it is take my life away from me and be in control of it.
Everyday is constant fear or every day life going on outside, meeting new people, meeting a woman, making new friends and meeting them and irrationalizing everything around me thinking “will this hurt or kill me?” or “does everyone hate me?” whilst planning my escape plan in a situation whilst i’m outside or meeting someone. I hope to overcome this in the foreseeable future and work on overcoming my fears.
I would like to thank you for reading my story, and i hope to help someone else in a similar situation. If you are having these issues and are struggling, i want you to know to know not be afraid and don’t hide away or hide the extraordinary human being that you are. Break free of your comfort zone and don’t make the mistake that i have by leaving it too long that it’s almost impossible to do these things.
-Much love, Jason.