I have been struggling with my mental health for a long time, due to illness and things happening in my personal life. After being off of antidepressants for almost two years, my GP and I decided that it was best to go back on them as the problems I’ve been having are very complicated and I am in the process of working through them.
After my surgical termination last June it was really difficult having that procedure done itself but also coming to terms with loosing my baby and last month would have been my due date. When problems started happening at home I began to have frequent mental break downs and found it so hard to cope with life. I would lay in bed all day in the dark and try to not to talk to anyone. I would barely eat and I couldn’t see much point in being alive with the stress of everything and being chronically ill.
After months struggling with the mental breakdowns and thoughts of not wanting to be here or deal with the physical and mental pain, I went to my GP and told him that I thought it was time because everything I had tried such as medtitation and anxiety apps on my phone just weren’t helping. My GP had been asking for a while for me to go on medication for my depression and I refused because I was terrified of the side affects.
At the start of taking Prozac, I was also given Pregablin to help manage my pain. At the same time starting these medications, I caught a sickness bug and was extremely ill so they weren’t able to kick in as well as they should have so they took a little longer to kick in! I felt a little tired for the first week but nothing more than the usual tiredness I get.
Slowly those bad thoughts went away and I felt so much more motivated with my life and wanted to not only live but to accomplish goals and dreams, doing more for charities and also taking care of me more. After a few months the dosage was put up because I felt the affects were wearing off a little. Since then I do still struggle some days but not as bad as before. My Anxiety and PTSD isn’t great but I’m working on those by distracting myself when I feel anxious by watching films or cuddling my 2 yorkies.
Just recently, I had an iron infusion as my ferratin levels were below 50 again. As my iron was dropping, I felt my mood dropping too. After talking to my IBD nurse and another GP it was said that when your iron drops it can also affect your Depression which I didn’t know! So in 2-4 weeks my iron should hopefully be back on track!
When you suffer from mental health, it is really difficult to open up to anyone but also to admit when you need help. Taking antidepressants is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about because the way I see it – you are helping to help yourself get better. Finding a GP or someone close to talk to can really help let out some pain of feeling alone in the battle inside your head. There are a few things you can try with mental health but I really strongly recommend talking to your doctor and making sure they are happy for you to try other things first.
There are apps you can download for Anxiety such as Headspace and learning meditation. Many people find that seeing a councillor helps but the waiting list for one is very long on the NHS. You can also read books on coping with anxiety and many various mental health conditions from amazon or local book stores. Colouring in books can also be very relaxing and handy when you want to go somewhere quiet and colour. Animals can also really help to comfort you and knowing a little furbaby loves you unconditionally is one of the best feelings in the world!
I have heard people refer to antidepressants as “wacky pills” and “loopy tablets” and I just think that is completely unfair for those who suffer. Taking antidepressants does not define you! For anyone who does not walk a day in our shoes they have absolutely no right to judge what they do not know or understand. Be proud for taking that step in talking to someone or swallowing your dose of antidepressants for the day, each day. To fight those relentless demons day in, day out makes you fucking strong.
And if nobody has told you, I’m proud of you.