Awareness, Chronic Illness Blogs, Life With A Stoma, Personal Blogs

World IBD Day 2020

Today is #worldibdday! This will be a brief post as I am writing this on my phone (my laptop broke after 3 faithful years!)

Today we celebrate world IBD Day all around the world and raise awareness of Inflammatory Bowel Disease. You will see many posts today of people sharing their story/journey or sharing about their loved ones who suffer from IBD! Share the love, ask any questions you are interested to know the answer to and share!

Many amazing charities now exist to help those with IBD or ostomates! The three charities that have helped me SO much with support over the years is: GetYourBellyOut, The Purple Wings Charity and IBD Superheros – all of which have various social medias and facebook groups.

Today for me, I celebrate the friends/family I have met due to sharing our illnesses in common – including my fiance! There are SO many that I could not live without and life really would not be the same without them. So this is a shout out to all my IBD besties who make life worth living, the bad days better and the littlest of things the funniest even when they have been so unwell and in pain themselves!

Mental Health Blogs, Personal Blogs

I’m Coming Out.

88253710_635738193843988_190646764976472064_n

This last week has been absolutely awful. My mental health took a huge blow and I have hid away in bed for almost an entire week straight with the exception of sitting in the living room for a little while yesterday evening.

So last week I went through something I hope nobody has to go through. Someone who I was once with and then had a friendship with decided to do a public live stream and announce my sexuality near the end, without my permission. As only that person, a few close friends and my partner knew about it, I was in so much shock. I didn’t cry but mentally I broke down – I was ashamed of who I was, embarrassed that such personal information was shared about me without me having a chance to tell anyone myself, when I was ready. I’ll admit, I don’t think I would have ever of been ready to share my sexuality with the world but when that choice is taken away from you and it is made public with people in similar communities as myself watching, there isn’t much else you can do but address it and try to move forward.

I. Am. Bisexual. I said it, so I must feel great about this weight off my shoulders, right? In a way yes I am glad to have released that burden and that weight from my shoulders. In another way no it doesn’t because it didn’t come from me first. Am I angry that this happened? I mean I was and who wouldn’t be! It gave me the push I needed to be true to myself and everyone around me but being 100% honest, I would have liked to of waited a little longer.

That being said, I have had amazing support from my close friends, my partner and my Mum. I want to thank you all straight from my heart because you honestly have NO idea just how much your support has helped me.

 

This week is going to be a good one with some exciting news to share too, so keep an eye on my social medias!  To watch my video, please click here.

So much love to everyone who has shown me kindness and support and if you are struggling with something similar please don’t hesitate to contact me on my social medias:

https://www.facebook.com/glitterygutsx/

https://www.instagram.com/glitterygutsx/

twitter- @glitterygutsx

Personal Blogs

Health Update 5th February

img_20200202_162052_6392417417350520260767.jpg

Hello! It’s been a while since I updated you all on my health situation and to be honest I didn’t really know everything myself!

Today I had an appointment with my IBD Consultant in Aberdeen Royal Infirmary, he’s very good and always on point with helping me and has done since I was diagnosed. My barbie butt wound has been causing me issues for quite some time and I can’t lie about that. Don’t get me wrong, having that operation done was the BEST decision my surgeon ever made because all I was doing was sitting on the toilet passing pus, blood and mucus constantly all day, some days upto 60 times. Anyway, this wound has been bleeding a lot and I was doing OK for a little while with the discharge as it seemed to go away and I didn’t need to constantly wear pads every day and keep changing them.. now it has gone back to how it was prior and it’s a pain in the butt – pun intended. My wound has also split open and is bigger than what it was before *sigh*. I have also had issues with my stoma retracting which is a whole new kettle of fish! It was never a problem until these past 6 months.

After examining me, my consultant has decided I need to go for another Pelvic MRI scan as he fears there may be another pelvic fluid collection due to the pelvic and wound pain and if it comes back with fluid then I will need more surgery to have this drained. He has also decided that I will start a new treatment (new to me as I have tried everything else) called Stelara which the first dose is an infusion and then injected every 8 weeks. Obviously there are side effects and that’s what I am more nervous about but at this point I really don’t have anything else to try because I’ve been on everything else and steroids are not an option due being immune to them. My Rheumatologist also wants me on the Stelara and both my Consultant and my Rheumatologist have said that this medication has the potential to help both my Crohn’s Disease, Behcets Disease and my Inflammatory Arthritis and Bursitis! I was given the information about the Stelara home with me today to read over and see the side effects, how it works – just everything I need to know.

In preparation for the biologic drug, I had a TB (Tuberculosis) check and another set of bloods that is routine for someone away to be put on a biological drug and they got the butterfly in first try today! The sugary tea this morning must have helped so a small win for me today, small victories! So when they come back I will more than likely get a call. I’m also still waiting to have my small bowel looked at via the Capsule Camera, Tonsillectomy and my four wisdom teeth removed, which we hope all of which will be done before I start the new medication, so one can only hope! I am super nervous as I mentioned before but I really won’t know until I have tried and I am really keen to try and get some of my Chronic Illnesses under some sort of control. My pain relief has also been changed as the codeine was giving me the worst constipation and blockages I have ever had and making my Chronic Migraines worse. I know it’s a lot to read and if you have read all through this then thank you, truly!

Hope this keeps all my followers up to date and any friends or family who read this. It’s been a day of mixed emotions but time will only tell how things will go.

I also want to say a big thank you for all the support I have received – It has been awesome!!

Lots of love

Glitteryguts and Lola Stoma. x

Personal Blogs, Stoma Products Reviews, Stoma Wear Brands

New Blog Content!

Hi all! As you know, I love to recommend products, services and companies here on my blog.

After thinking about a few ideas over the last few months, I am ready to add new content to my blog! There is always room for more, but what might that be? Well, there are two things I am actively ready to add :

  1. A newsletter
  2. Advertisements

Sponsors and advertisements will be featured in blog posts, social media platforms and via my YouTube channel. This will include myself demonstrating how your products work and including information about your company, services and products. I will also include your relevant links and an optional review.

It would be absolutely fantastic content to add to you all! The benefits for a sponsor or advertisements are also fantastic. Getting the word out about what you do and the products you offer, discounts and more! Any future sponsors will be able to use any blog posts and videos for their own advertising.

I cannot wait to get this content up and running for you all!

If you are interested, please email alannahjaynesblog@hotmail.com.

Chronic Illness Blogs, Mental Health Blogs, Personal Blogs

Fabulous Freebies!

FB_IMG_1553391037843

Good evening everyone! This blog post is about/links to some fabulous freebies I  had found whilst scrolling through the hotukdeals app on my phone!

To find the freebies, simply go onto the hotukdeals website or onto the app and click the ‘freebies‘ tab. There you will find loads of freebies such as apps, books, food, items, free games to download on various gaming consoles and PC and more. There were a few that caught my eye more than others because I knew they would be beneficial to people who either have a chronic illness, insomnia or have felt the burn of the recent benefit cuts. Bare in mind that when you read this a week or a month I have posted that the following might not be available anymore or the deal has expired so do keep an eye on the expiry date of the free offer!

So my eye catching freebie favourites!

Of course there isn’t just this website to get good deals, there is alo Groupon and Wowcher. They both do great meal deals and holiday deals MUCH cheaper than what you pay in the restaurant and at travel agents! Keep an eye for helpful apps I managed to get a painting by colour (not painting by colours brand) app where you can paint pictures like mandala on your phone and save them! Great for when insomnia strikes!

I will be doing more research to see what freebies I can get up for next week and will doa another blog post then! If you have any good websites to recommend that are alike – get in touch! Thankyou!

Personal Blogs

Here’s To 2020!

80747561_2147110528725246_3527158698323476480_o

Usually I would write about all the new year’s resolutions that I have like every other person, but instead, I wanted to talk about how shitty 2019 has been and what I plan to do in 2020 to make up for that!

2019 I went through a lot mentally and physically that seen me bed bound, riddled with infections, pain, reactions to medications and A LOT of toxic family members that caused me grief. We did however manage to attend the GetYourBellyOut charity ball where I volunteered and did the photography for the evening which I thoroughly enjoyed! We also went to the Enchanted Forest event with complimentary tickets which was lovely and the lights are gorgeous! The most awful parts were going onto antidepressants that made me severely sick and unfortunately we had a miscarriage. However it also gave me luck and I was finally put on the waiting list for wisdom teeth removal and to have my tonsils removed!

Financially it has been the toughest last few months I have ever experienced. We also almost lost the house and our gorgeous dogs. Luckily we are still here but have dreams of moving out this year as not only is the soundproofing terrible, I also have a really disrespectful neighbour who keeps having parties that terrifies the dogs and keeps us awake right through until the next morning. I cut off quite a lot of people and it has done us the world of good – I don’t feel so stressed anymore and don’t have to be treated badly anymore!

I also raised almost £600 for The Purple Wings Charity by being sponsored to do a calendar photoshoot to raise awareness of ostomies! I also collected donations for The Street Friends Helping The Homeless Aberdeen and we go there tomorrow again to drop of the last of what I have managed to collect (HUGE thank you to the community for helping me achieve this.)

So moving onto 2020.. of course I have a few nasty surgeries to have and procedures BUT with GOOD outcomes (hopefully!) I have said to myself that I will make up for all that lost time not being able to see friends and being stuck at home. We have the GetYourBellyOut ball in April to look forward to and hopefully we will also be going to the sea world in Birmingham whilst we are down there! I plan on taking my camera with me a lot more whenever I am out the house – the amount of pretty pictures I could have taken in 2019 would have been fab but I forgot my camera every time! I absolutely plan on a weekend or week down to Glasgow to see one of my best friends. We are also going to be attending the Purple Wings Charity Ball as we missed last years ball.

I also have made it an essential to save and get my passport so I can go abroad once or twice with my friend who models and can take a plus one! Unfortunately I will be selling my beautiful fish tank as I can no longer afford to keep it but the money will be put to good use and pay off some debts. I also have challenged myself to clear out my wardrobes of things I no longer wear either due to they don’t fit anymore or I just never wear them! We have some stoma supplies to donate to The Jacobs Well Appeal too so if you have any spare stoma supplies sitting around that you can no longer use – that’s the best place to send them to! We got a spa day voucher for our christmas so looking very forward to that after my birthday and a little scope around the shops to see what is on sale, I love a good bargain. One of my best friends gets surgery for an Ileostomy this month so will be making sure I go in to visit as much as I can!

So my main goals for 2020:

  • Move house
  • Get a part time job
  • Go on holiday
  • Pay off debt

Here’s to another year of being stoma confident and raising awareness!

Awareness, Mental Health Blogs, Personal Blogs

Christmas Wishes

Hello everyone, it’s been just a wee while since I updated you all about my health and everything else in my life! So here goes;

Mental Health

So many who follow my social media will know my mental health hasn’t been so good. You will think “is there a particular reason or trigger?” The answer to that is yes. Myself and Jaimie have had a very hard past few months financially which has been extremely stressful. Last month I sadly had a miscarry and not long after that, I had family members treat me like absolute dog poop due to not having money to attend a baby shower before hand – it got really nasty and my mental health has been spiralling downwards ever since. This isn’t because of the lies they said to me and about me, just more so that they felt the need to directly be nasty towards me rather than just be quiet and leave me alone with their negativity. Anyway, I see my doctor next week so I can try yet another medication for my Anxiety and Depression.

I get so scared over the silliest of things such as the shower curtain being closed, the door not being locked and when Jaimie isn’t in the house I feel panicked. I am barely sleeping and sit awake all night and lucky to get a nap in the morning without someone knocking on the door (usually post that sort of thing!)

Chronic Illnesses

The fun part, I wish! My wound where my rectal stump had been, is a real pain in the ass – pun intended!! My fistulas have been leaking and giving me infections which is super sore, my Tonsilitis/Tonsil stones won’t clear and my wisdom teeth keep getting abscessed (currently on the waiting list as urgent to have the four of them removed.)

My arthritis of course has flared with this cold weather so most days I need to use my walking stick and last week I had an appointment at ARI so used the bus, BIG mistake. I really struggled with sickness and my joint pain was just exhausting so Jaimie came to pick me up after offering to as he knew I was struggling.

I continue to fight the constant fatigue whether I manage to sleep or not and have also been in and out of hospital recently with my chronic migraines, sickness and wound problems. I’m also waiting for a capsule camera endoscopy to find out what is wrong with my small bowel and stoma which is four months overdue.

Charity Volunteering

I have done quite a bit of charity volunteering via social media this year!

I have just made a hamper in aid of GetYourBellyOut to raise money for those who suffer from Crohn’s Disease and Ulcerative Colitis, it’s almost finished! I also did the photography for the charity ball in April this year when my friend Hanna took really poorly and was admitted to hospital, thankfully she was okay and recieved really good care. We will be attending the ball next April again to see some of the most amazing people ever including my best friends Levi and Steph!

I have been collecting donations for Street Friends Aberdeen charity who help the homeless of Aberdeen, run by volunteers making them warm meals a few nights a week. (If you would like to help please click here for the items list.)

You will remember earlier this year in March, I took part in a charity photo shoot for The Purple Wings Charity Calendar where I raised almost £600 in sponsors and by auctioning off items for the charity. The calendars are now on sale for next year and can be bought by clicking here. It was great fun!

Everything Else

A lot to take in right?! I know it is a lot, sorry! This saturday we get our first ever real christmas tree! Most of the christmas presents have been wrapped up for everyone, just literally one or two left to wrap and that is all done yay! The dogs are all doing fine and have been squished up to me or on my knee giving me loads of cuddles whilst I have been poorly. They always seem to know how to make me feel comforted, bless their little but big hearts.

My Christmas Wishes

Lastly, my wishes for this christmas.

  • Have tests done
  • Be seen in the IBD clinic
  • For friends and family to have a lovely christmas and new year
  • More donations for Street Friends Aberdeen
  • Get my GetYourBellyOut volunteer shirt!
  • Not end up in hospital
  • To be well enough to enjoy christmas day without being tired and being able to eat Christmas dinner without feeling sick

Seems silly christmas wishes to many but for me, it’s big wishes.

What’s your christmas wish(es) this year?

Awareness, Chronic Illness Blogs, Life With A Stoma, Personal Blogs

BBC Radio Brain waves

PW2019-403

After talking with the lovely Pennie from BBC Radio Scotland, we had a cuppa at my home and recorded some conversations on topics for the Brainwaves Podcast edition for Series 7 in 2020.

In Pennie’s Brainwaves series, she explores the science behind our everyday experiences and shares this with scientists who work in Scotland. The first series which started in 2014, covers topics such as Edinburgh Science Festival, Obesity Figures in Scotland. Series 2 covers topics such as how sounds affect people, meeting and talking with scientists and professors and meeting Karen Vousden, director of Cancer Research. Series 3 covers topics such as Biometrics, The Psychology of Cheating, Donating your body to science and The Flu virus. Series 4 covers topics such as The Northern Lights, Antimicrobial Resistance and the Anatomy of a stroke. Series 5 covers topics such as The problem with plastic, The Invisible Disease and Child Tissue Donation. Series 6 which covers various topics such as Food For Thought, Street Drugs and Pain.

Series 7 which is set to be released early 2020, is currently being recorded. Subjects include a shocking insight into the prevalence of perinatal PTSD, a real eye opener on what might be the next big environmental pollution issue plus a few good, bad and ugly facts about fat.

I am VERY excited for you all to hear our one which covers many subjects! When it is published, I will make sure to update you all!

 

 

Awareness, Chronic Illness Blogs, Mental Health Blogs, People's Stories!, Personal Blogs

The Mental Health Taboo With Pregnancy

68618324_716981562081886_7125175591002701824_n

After watching Loose Women, a celeb dating star Anna Williamson talked about her mental health before pregnancy, during and after the birth of her first child. Anna was extremely brave in talking about something that society has a set perspective on when it comes to pregnancy and having a family which is that pregnancy should be the most exciting and amazing time of your life. But that isn’t how it is for many who suffer from mental health conditions.

In my blog IBD – Pregnancy/Termination I talked about my situation when I became pregnant after being told I would never be able to get pregnant and to help other women in the same situation I was in which was that I was told this information based on opinion and through no fertility testing. However I never talked about the emotional impact this had and STILL has on me. It’s hard, and that’s putting it lightly. Since then I have had another miscarry and I am desperate to be a mum. They say to look at that silver lining and for us, it’s that I know I can get pregnant now!

I spoke to women and men who also felt that mental health had a big role to play prior, during and after pregnancy;

 

Kellie

“It felt like I was going to fail as a mom. When I was pregnant over three years ago, four months before falling pregnant I had my stoma operation. My surgeon was very concerned which made me concerned and panic. There were regular what ifs and what if this baby didn’t make it  as I had had 5 miscarriages. At ten weeks, my whole life was on pause as they didn’t know if I would survive, they diagnosed me with a brain condition and I went blind for three months. I was in such a dark place I didn’t know if I was going to make it, I kept asking myself was my baby going to make it, or if we did pull through how would I cope being a mom with a new illness on top of the illnesses I already have!”

“Pregnancy was no walk in the park for me, and I couldn’t be alone. I was scared to be left alone so my partner would come to the hospital everyday and be with me from 7am that morning till 11pm at night. I had to stay on the phone to him all night just to try and stay as calm as possible. I was also on different types of medication as they didn’t know if the baby would come out addicted to the medications or not. I wasn’t on medication by choice, I was on medications to try and survive and for the baby to survive. I had open brain surgery at 20 weeks pregnant and I honestly thought when I was being put to sleep that it would be the last time I would see my family. I didn’t bond with my son for a few months and unfortunately, it took longer for me to bond with him as all I did was sleep and eat. My partner actually had him the majority of the time after major bowel surgery, being ill, open brain surgery and being a new first time mom. Delivering conor I was all over the place between hormones. I really didn’t know if I was coming or going. When I got better and when I was allowed to go home, I was close to my due date and I kept having panic attacks thinking something was going to happen to the baby or myself. I couldn’t sleep, I was restless, I was alone.”

Laura

“I’ve been on maximum dose antidepressants for depression and anxiety since the age of 14. When I became pregnant in 2010, I was seen at the hospital regarding my medication. They advised me to either come off my medication or to switch to one that would have less effects on the baby. My anxiety told me to stop my medication completely, I couldn’t bare the thought of any medication having a negative impact on this little person I was growing. The first few weeks weren’t too bad, I found myself either feeling on cloud 9 and the happiest person alive or I then felt myself pushing everyone away and isolating myself. I kept blaming it on pregnancy hormones and carried on as I was. My baby was born prematurely in April 2011 via emergency caesarean. Nothing prepared me for that, and especially for what was to follow. I blamed myself entirely. I blamed myself for my tiny baby being in high dependency. I felt like I had failed him, my body had failed him, and for weeks I bottled these feelings up and tried my hardest to embrace my new role as a mother.”

“When I finally brought my baby home, I made sure he was clean, fed, loved and my god did I love him. But there was always this overwhelming feeling inside that I wasn’t good enough. I truly believed that I didn’t deserve this baby and didn’t deserve to feel happy. I told myself I didn’t love him enough. I struggled in silence for 6 months before admitting that I needed help. I openly told my doctor “I can’t do this” and the GP put me back on to antidepressants. It has taken me so long to accept that I need these tablets to function and to stabilise my emotions. It has taken me so long to accept that I was and am worthy of this special boy. I am no longer ashamed of my mental health issues and I need to take these tablets to make life easier for me and keep those intrusive thoughts at bay then I do! I was also so in love with him but I remember those unwanted and intrusive thoughts creeping in, telling me I wasn’t good enough for this and that I didn’t deserve this beautiful baby boy.”

 

Danielle

“Before I fell pregnant, apart from the desperation and obsession with becoming pregnant, my mental health was quite good. I was always able to control it and get on top of it myself. Never felt I needed to seek much help and always dealt with life’s shit pretty well. But it’s like something changed in me when I became pregnant, I was petrified of losing my unborn baby! SO petrified that I was adamant it was going to happen.
I didn’t really enjoy pregnancy much until 20 weeks. I don’t know why but that 20 week scan made me feel like I could breathe a bit and my unborn baby boy was healthy and he was actually going to be OK. But that horrible anxious feeling never fully went away, I think that’s because I didn’t have a lot of trust in my body, seen as though it had thrown a chronic illness at me out of the blue. Despite all my concerns and issues, besides initial worries from labour, he was a healthy baby boy. I don’t know if my pregnancy anxiety is to blame for my mental health declining once I had him. He had Cmpa ( a food allergy caused by the baby’s immune system reacting to proteins in cow’s milk) from birth so we had our issues and battles which was never easy. He wasn’t diagnosed for weeks and I felt like I was losing an uphill battle with medical professionals. I struggled so much from early on because he screamed, a lot, and wasn’t a happy baby. I felt so stressed and angry All. The. Time, A time that I was meant to be enjoying my new baby boy it was awful some days.”

“Even though I wasn’t alone I felt very alone, very scared, both judged and a very bad mum! I was petrified to talk to anyone about how I really felt incase I was judged! I was so scared someone would take my baby off me and think he would be better off with someone else. I did go to the Drs a few times, trying to explain how I felt but I kept getting dismissed and I lost faith in them. Eventually, nearly 2 years after having him! 2 whole years, I felt like I was losing my mind and I wasn’t a very nice person to be around. I couldn’t control my anger or my emotions. I felt so lost and so far from myself it was unreal! I took my sister to the Drs with me who thankfully listened. I self referred from there advice to try CBT. I give it a good go, I tried a few appointments and stuck to it, but still felt myself sinking. My son was well over 2 now and he deserved so much more than what I was giving him! So I went against everything I once believed in, and asked for antidepressants. I was scared of those because I didn’t want to feel numb, I didn’t want to be emotionless towards my son or partner, but I NEEDED something and fast. So 11 months I have been on them now, and my God what a difference!! I’m quite saddened to think I lost myself for so long and got such an important chunk of my little boys life, and I know, which is also proven, that my mental health WOULD of had an effect on him because I left it too long. But I pray and I hope with everything in me, I have time to reverse any damage and soon enough, before the years out, I’ll be medication free and coping OK. Nobody tells you about this part of pregnancy and being a parent, not peppery. You never expect it to happen to you. But it can happen to anyone. And please don’t do what I did, don’t try cope and don’t ignore it. Ask for help, no-one is there to judge you, only to help you.”

Zoe

“My experiences with a newborn – I went into it expecting it to be the most amazing and wonderful experience in the whole world: especially after all the ivf and how longed for our baby was, I thought it would be magical. And don’t get me wrong, it was wonderful, but wow it was so hard too! The physical exhaustion of having a newborn affected me more than anything. I was breastfeeding for the first 2 and a half weeks, and he would feed constantly. And I mean constantly. There was no physical time left in the day for me to sleep. I was beyond exhausted. I was losing control of my mind, I felt like I was ghosting my body, like I wasn’t there. I felt like looking after my baby was a chore. I didn’t feel like I could enjoy even the cuddles. It wasn’t until I started bottle feeding, where Harry actually enjoyed being put down, I could actually sleep, and I got my sanity back. When he was breastfeeding, he would only settle on me, he would only sleep on me. It was relentless. I didn’t want to tell anyone, I felt like I was failing and I had to keep my front.”

Debbie

“I have recently had 3 miscarriages, and during my pregnancies with both my daughters in 2007 and 2008, I had strep B with severe sickness. Due to severe depression which I was diagnosed with in 2009, my two girls were taken away and have been adopted. I found it hard to manage simple things like cooking, couldn’t eat without being sick so ended up being anemic for a while, I couldn’t get much sleep as I was always lay awake worrying. Due to this awful experiences, I have ended up not trusting professionals and I still don’t. I was always worrying something bad was going happen and this has affected my mental health long term.”

(this gentleman is being kept anonymous) 

“I find men don’t know what to expect during pregnancy, and I personally found that when going into the hospital with my partner, I was ignored by the staff. They don’t tell you what to expect or how it’s going to be. When we had my youngest, my partner was on gas and air and I sat there doing nothing until she went into labour, nobody talked to me or said what to do or helped me cope with it all. I think because we aren’t the patient, we are left to it which I think is unfair as it’s an experience to go through together as a couple.”

Amy

I have never been very maternal, yes I wanted children, I wanted one each a boy and girl, but for me I had to be a lot older, successful and married. Obviously fate had a different idea. I fell pregnant 3 months after dating my boyfriend, it was mid Jan 2015 when I found out. I had just landed a full time permanent job and this really put a spanner in the works. It was a shock, this wasn’t planned and I didn’t know my boyfriend that well enough either. Even though my pregnancy was a shock, I knew then and there I was sticking with this pregnancy. My boyfriend however wasn’t so keen on the idea. I broke the news to my parents and apart from an initial shock the next day they both supported me with whatever I decided. My boyfriend took a whole week to tell his parents and they weren’t thrilled either. Back then I think I should of left him as the warning signs were all there.

My pregnancy wasn’t easy at the slightest, I’m 4ft9, I was about 5 and a half stone then, so growing a baby left me in a lot of pain. I was sick constantly and was back and forth in A&E as I was so dehydrated and had constant drips to help with that. I had sickness throughout until I actually went into labour. My boyfriend came to terms with things but wasn’t at all in the slightest encouraging. He came to most of the scans, as did my family but he wasn’t overwhelmed with emotion like we were. Anyway we got prepared and minus the sickness and needing constant growth scans, (as for a while baby was growing quite small) things were fine and dandy. My due date was 4th October 2015. I got told I wouldn’t be on time and would be late, however on the 14th September, I was getting a lot of pain and started bleeding. On the 15th pain was worse and my mum decided to time them and low and behold I was actually starting labour. The labour ward got me in when my contractions were about a minute apart and after a quick sweep and realising I was already 4cm dilated, I had a birth pool running and we were in hospital. 16th September 2015 at 7:56am my daughter was born at a beautiful 6lb4oz. Apart from being a bit blue and mucusy she was fine and after 24 hours we went home. This was when things went bad. My partner moved in with me in my parents house, but they just couldn’t get on. He hardly helped with our daughter and at this point I became quite poorly myself as was having a lot of stomach pain. It got so bad at one point I had to get an ambulance round. No-one could work out what was wrong so was put on some painkillers. Day 5 of my daughter’s life and after a few days of her being jaundice my midwife and health visitor told me to get her to hospital and myself as well as I was running a fever and not being well. So we did. We both got admitted in.

My daughter was poked and prodded with numerous tests and she was rushed straight to NICU as her bilirubin levels were dangerously high. We were told if they continue to rise that she may have brain or organ failure. We were told to expect the worst if things didn’t improve in 24 hours. She was put in all uv lighting. She had tubes going everywhere and the tiniest cannula ever. This was when my mental health went bad. My heart was breaking in so many ways. How can this happen? I’ve only had her in my life for 5 days, you can’t take her away from me now. Will she live? Will she have permanent problems? How am I going to cope? Why the hell has this gotten so bad? I was distraught and worse I was admitted in and until they can figure out what was wrong with me, I wasn’t allowed to be in nicu. I was breastfeeding so I needed to be there so I could do that. They allowed me for that reason but after 2 days my bloods came back saying I had an infection and while that was going on I no longer could be there. So I expressed. But I wasn’t making much sense, which then made me cry my eyes out as I couldn’t even do one simple thing for my daughter. The hospital was amazing. They made sure I was being checked on and keeping me updated constantly about my daughter. I had the mental health team round as my scoring was very bad so they sent the support, but I refused, I just wanted to be with my daughter. Her father hardly went to see her, he was more interested in playing his game or sleep. At one point he saw her for about 10 minutes and then went off with his family to get a pizza, not once asking if I needed anything.

My parents, especially my mum, were there being my support group that they always are, they made sure I was coping and being there with my girl while I couldn’t. They gave me things so I had her smell and she had mine. Regardless though, I still felt alone, so lonely, so lost, so hopeless, so frustrated and so very angry. I just want my baby home and well. Somehow a miracle did happen and after 2 and a half weeks we were home. We had another month of tests to make sure nothing creeped back but she was safe. But even being home my low mood didn’t budge. I instead worried every time she was asleep.

It is incredibly brave for these people to share their stories over the past few months and to share via this blog post. The main aim in sharing these stories is for those who are in similar situations with mental health whilst being a parent’s or parent’s to be to not feel so alone. It’s OK not to be OK at any time in your life! Just make sure to reach out and get the help and support that you need, whether that be in a friend, family member or medical professional.

Life With A Stoma, Personal Blogs, recipes

Stoma Friendly Bread and Butter Pudding

72971374_407226663562162_8733292195089481728_n.jpg

Having a stoma can be difficult when you can no longer eat the foods that you once loved, if that means either you are unsure about eating them or simply you have found you cannot eat it from your trial and errors food list. Bread and butter pudding is my most favourite dish and has been since I was little as my mum used to make me it on a cold winter day.

I found a new way to still enjoy this dish without having to eat sultanas as they make my stoma terribly sore and give me a blockage. Sultanas are what gives this dish the most flavour complimenting the cinnamon and nutmeg, here’s how:

For this recipe, you need;

  • 1 tub of double cream
  • 25g of caster sugar
  • milk
  • 2 eggs
  • sultanas
  • bread
  • butter
  • nutmeg
  • cinnamon
  • one oven dish

After cutting the bread in half, making triangle shapes, butter just the top and put into the dish. Sprinkle with cinnamon and nutmeg and repeat this process until you are happy with the depth of bread.

When combining the cream, milk, sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg, put in the sultanas and warm on the heat setting 4 for 15 minutes then bring to boil on heat setting 6 for 5-10 minutes. This part sounds a little messy however it isn’t so messy! Take a potato masher and squeeze down the sultanas until they are a mushy consistency.

Mix the two eggs with sugar together and whisk until they are a pale colour. Take a sieve and pour the contents of the pan with your sultanas into the sieve over the egg and sugar mix and squash out all the juices with a spoon until no more comes out, then dispose of the sultanas.

Mix these together and pour over your bread triangles in the oven proof dish and leave to sit for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes put into the oven at 180 degrees for another 30 minutes.

73403915_404615413556607_3920179825456709632_n

Add some cream or ice cream and enjoy!